This is one of those recipes that I have known and made since I was wee. So we have had this in about 80 turkeys or so growing up and finally this Thanksgiving I sat mom down and made her measure out the ingredients. It was a painful process but the world will benefit from my tenacity. We often triple this recipe and bake two 13 X 9 pans of stuffing ’cause it’s just that good to eat. Strap in kids cause it’s gonna be delicious.
1 big ass Turkey.
1 loaf of bread torn into pieces and allowed to dry for 1 day.
1 chopped onion (walla walla sweets are good)
4 stalks chopped celery
8 oz of bacon (225 grams)
1 Tbsp Ground Thyme
1 Tbsp Ground Sage
1 Tbsp Ground Marjoram
3/4 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 cup – 1 1/2 cups of water
Preheat the oven to 350 F (175 C).
Chop up your ingredients, duh!
Drain out the grease and conserve some it for some later basting. Then add in onions and celery. While they are simmering away take your ripped up bread and toss it into a brown paper bag. Add the Thyme, Sage, Marjoram, salt and pepper to the bag. Now shake it like a Polaroid picture.
Once the bacon is crispy, drain out some of the grease and save it. Add the onions and celery to the bacon and cook until the onions start to become transparent. Onions are generally transparent, they lack almost any sense of tact.
Once the bread is well seasoned, pour it all into a large bowl and add the cooked bacony mixture of awesomeness. Once that is mixed in well, add water slowly to rehydrate the bread. Moisten it up like a bashful debutante! Then give your turkey a call. Make sure she’s empty. Remove any, giblets, neck, whatever the hell else is inside of her. You don’t want any part of that.
Then feed the turkey a few drinks, tell her about your world travel and when you volunteered for “Cooks Without Boarders.”
Once she’s good and relaxed spread her legs and fill her full of your stuffing. When you’re done secure the skin with pins. Place the turkey in a deep pan and rub it down with bacon grease (SPF 15 incidentally), maybe play a little Barry White. This will allow it to brown well. Once it is in the pan add about an inch of water to the pan. This will keep it moist while cooking.
Put the turkey in the oven. Tell it you’ll call as a courtesy but we all know you’re not gonna call. Now here is the expert part. You need to cook the turkey for 10 minutes a pound at 350. Don’t deviate, we have tried other temperatures and times it just doesn’t work. Don’t mess with perfection.
Baste the turkey from time to time and once the top is brown, cover it with tin foil. This will prevent her from burning and preserve her lovely tan.
When the turkey finishes cooking, put it on a serving plate and invite over your friends. There she is, all demure and succulent. Now it’s carving time.