After Clubbing: Biscuits and poached eggs

So you’ve had the friendly evening, flirting, dancing, and chugging back drinks. Maybe it ended well and you’re thinking, “now what do I make for breakfast?” Never fear, the Batter Junkie will get you that second date or at least make the end of this one special.

Biscuits and eggs are one of the the most time honored morning-after traditions. So drink plenty of water, put the coffee pot on and get your ingredients!

2 cups flour (Here I used 1/2 whole wheat)
1 tsp salt
2 tsp baking powder
6-8 Tbsp butter (1/2 cup)
1 cup buttermilk

Heat up your oven just like those sheets to 218 C (425 F).

Mix the dry ingredients in a bowl while you desperately try to remember the name of the other person in your bed. Add in the wet ingredients to make a stiff dough. (feel free to make your own joke here)

Once that’s done roll it out like you did on the dance floor the night previous. Pat out the dough on a floured surface until it’s about 1/2 inch thick.

Now that you have your dough well in hand, grab a pint glass or a coffee mug and begin to make little biscuits. Place these little breakfast heroes on a tray and pop them ceremoniously in the oven for 15-17 minutes.

If your sleep over buddy has not yet awoken, you should take this opportunity to say something like, “Wow can you believe that it takes four hours to make these biscuits? I would be really grateful if someone went to such an effort for me.” Make up whatever you want to fit the situation.

Poached Eggs:
While you’re biscuits are burning (or simply baking) prepare the first egg. Here’s what you’ll need.

Some eggs
Vinegar (any kind will do red wine vinegar makes them pink!)
a small cup
A saucierĀ  or sauce pan
some water

Fill the sauce pan a little less than half way up with water (roughly your blood alcohol level of the previous evening) and put it on the stove to boil. Pour anywhere from a 1/4 to a 1/2 cup of vinegar into the water. Take a blurry visioned moment to crack the egg into a cup.

Now you’re all set to “wow” someone who already has low expectations.

Once the water begins to boil use a spoon to swirl the water into a mini cyclone. While doing this hold the egg in your other hand.

Bring the cup very close to the water and in one fluid motion (like extending your wrist to get stamped at the door) and dump the egg into the whirlpool.

The swirling keeps the egg from going everywhere when it hits the water. I know it looks like a commercial for not doing drugs but it’s OK. It will become beautiful! Allow this little egg it’s embryonic journey to yumminess for about 4 minutes.

Oh no did you forget the biscuits? I hope you set a timer.
Split one of them and put it on a plate. With a slotted spoon, remove your egg and place it on one half of the biscuit. Rinse and repeat for each other egg. Add salt and pepper for fun.

Well, I certainly hope this helps you get by that morning awkwardness. It won’t help you remember why you thought that person was attractive last night, but you’ll be able to work through your confusion and embarrassment on a happy tummy.

P.S. It is advised that you rip off your paper club-entrance bracelet before you begin cooking.


(featuring the quaint kitchen of Kim in Seattle)

Labels: bread, breakfast, eggs

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